The Republic of San Portina is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its avowedly heterosexual populace, complete lack of prisons, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed population of 504 million San Portinans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 22.1%.

The San Portinan economy, worth 23.5 trillion dollars a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Furniture Restoration, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 46,606 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.8 times as much as the poorest.

Badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game, blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued, the government has pledged that not one drop of its citizens' blood will be spilt, and the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. San Portina's national animal is the falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

San Portina is ranked 97,430^th in the world and 161^st in Coalition of Crown Albatross for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 50.5 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.